Yesterday, in my recent blog, There Are No Accidents, I introduced the concept of GUS (God, Universe, Spirit). One of the comments got me thinking about what it really means to live a spiritually led life without the confines of religion.
Spirituality has meant different things to me over the years. For a portion of my life, it was viewed entirely through the lens of religion. I grew up Lutheran, went through catechism and communion and we did the things we were told to do, because that’s simply what was expected.
I don’t remember ever being asked deeper questions: Do you believe there is a God? Why do you go to church? What does faith mean to you? Looking back now, I can see we weren’t taught to ask those questions because we were being taught to obey not think…not question.
My parents didn’t attend church themselves, they weren’t even members of the one we went to but because my father’s family attended and were members, we were sent. My mother told me in later years, the church did my Grandmother a favor “letting” us attend.
Truth or not, those words still sting a bit…aren’t churches supposed to serve everyone?
When I left home at 18, there was a long stretch where I didn’t step foot in a church and when I did return it was during a season of questions. A season, if I am being honest, I think I’m still in.
When my husband and I got married, one of our intentions was to raise our family in the church. We both had grown up in the church and felt it was important for our kids to know God and then be able to make their choice when they were old enough.
We joined a local church, and like many, we hoped to find community. We poured ourselves into serving, I led volunteering, my husband managed the church’s accounting. Even with that, the cracks started to show…the cliques, the hypocrisy, not feeling good enough as we had special need children and they didn’t fit the mold.
The breaking point came when our oldest son attended youth camp his Junior year. Something happened between him and two other boys, to this day I still don’t know the full story. Anyway, one of the other boys was a youth leader and someone whom my son considered a friend. Something happened between the three boys and the youth leader was sent home.
When camp ended, my son didn’t say a word, we had no clue! The following Sunday, people greeted us, saying how much they loved our son. It felt a little off but since camp had just ended, I figured that he must have really had a great week at camp.
Months later, in conversation with another mom whose son was the one who had been sent home, she casually mentioned it, assuming I already knew. When she realized I didn’t, she looked shocked. That’s when I learned some version of the truth.
I was mortified! Everyone seemed to know except us. My husband immediately called on the pastor to talk, and the pastor brushed it off, saying, “Oh, I thought so and so was going to tell you.”
That was it…we both let our respective volunteer positions and never walked back in that church again.
I would see the pastors’ wife in Costco (small town) from time to time and she would act like she didn’t see me. It is in those moments that I knew we 1000% made the right decision to step away.
Since walking away from that church, we have truly walked away from the whole the brick-and-mortar idea of church altogether. In saying that, that doesn’t mean we abandoned our faith. In some ways, it freed us to explore what it truly means to connect with GUS without guilt, without shame, without cliques or feeling like we need to be doing more but mostly, without a checklist of religious “shoulds.”!
I’ve spent years feeling inadequate because I couldn’t recite the Bible verses, couldn’t member the stories, didn’t speak in tongues and because for me, the bible was not an easy read! It makes my brain hurt!
I always felt like I had something to prove…that I wasn’t “enough” to be part of the inner circle. That they somehow got this special download that I missed out on…
We won’t even talk about the hassle and rushing out the door so we weren’t late for church, kids were grumpy, we were grumpy and then we had to put on this happy face when we entered the church…it was exhausting!
Now, my relationship with God/GUS is mine. I get to choose what it looks like…no one else tells me how to pray, what scripture I must follow or make me feel somehow less than.
Might I even be bold for a moment and say, I don’t believe the Bible is the literal word of God. I believe it’s man’s interpretation, passed through generations, and that we can’t truly know how much is divine truth and how much is human influence.
So I choose to live with love, compassion, and the intention of being the best person I can be.
I’m done living under the weight of other people’s expectations, being told yoga is “evil” or meditation is “dangerous.” In truth, yoga, meditation/prayer, journaling and listening to the wisdom of the universe have been my saving grace more than the Bible ever has.
In the past seven months, I’ve seen more hypocrisy from those who call themselves Christians than I can stomach and I’ve realized something important:
Just because you go to church on Sundays doesn’t mean you’re living a spiritually-led life.
For me, spirituality is no longer tied to a building or thoughts of measuring up. It’s in the quiet moments when I connect with GUS, pull an angel card, call on the Archangels and Divine Masters, light sage, hold my favorite crystals, or channel healing energy through Reiki…these are the moments that feel sacred, personal, and deeply my own.
It’s in the way I choose kindness when it’s easier to judge. It’s in how I show up with love even when the world feels divisive and hateful.
Politics divide. Religion can divide. But love? Love unites.
And that’s where I choose to live.